My Own Little World

Time Flies!!

2007-07-26T04:32:49Z

I post in two journals.. Or I try to... Anyone interested in checking out the one I update prolly a helluva lot more regularly than this can gho to www.deadjournal.com/users/kirylle.

Onto the regular post...

So it'd getting to the end of the month of July and I am really worried I suppose about what I am going to do when school starts back up. I really am not motivated and just seem to be going to school waiting for something to fall onto my lap at this point because I don't think I can find something that interests me. My mom has brought up the idea of teaching and that's nothing new since only like a half a dozen people AT LEAST have suggested this as a possible course t take into life. I dunno why they would suggest such a thing especially snce I really am not all that fond of kids!! I can del with them, but overall I believe it is a very bad idea to have me with kids all day. Then again I suppose I could teach ther older ones, but I think that one some levels they are worse than the young ones as they have had time to lose respect for their elders as the young ones are still pretty malleable!!

So, I have made a new friend at work! Well, my Target job anyways. He's a really great guy and just overall cool. He has a TON of stories and I really enjoy his company!! It' actually really relaxing chilling out with him and such and unbelievably enough even though I wouldn't have slept at all I'll feel more rested than I would of had I slept a full night's sleep! So to continue, his name is James and he's an ex-marine which is where the stories come from! He has done a loot of travelling. From what I can tell he's really responsible and knows what fun is! He also keep my ridiculous hours staying up late at night... I think. I know he'll go to bed if he's tired! Also Good luck and catch the thieves! (That's if he ever reads this..) He has recently quit smoking, at least I thnk he has continued to hold that up. I should ask him the next time I talk to him... And he has a great sense of humor. It's kinda odd, but I know more about him than he knows of me, but yet it seems he knows that hell eventually learn more over time. Oh and probably one of the better talents he has is that he can cook!!

My parents think that we're going to hook up, and I laugh. Not at the absurdity of the idea, at least not yet, but just how they seem to always jump the gun. I tell them I am going to bring a friend over and they're already prepared for ther worst. At least they seemed to of likes him overall when hey met him. However, I wish I hadn't pulled hm away from the party so soon, but I guess I wanted to escape. Hopefully, later on, we can invite him over for a game of cards!! That would be fun! It'd be fun to play jokes on him about our rules!!

Alright, so moving on... I have bought a new computer since my last post. I have also gotten my mom her birthday gift and then my parents their Christmas gift! I kinda went on a spending spree. I dunno how I am gonna manage to keep up with it, but I know I will manage one ay or the other!

Just a side note. My mom's borthday is the 30th.

I have today off as well as tomorrow. I was soooo excited to see that. I am only working one job this week and am ecstatic to have some sort of a life this week even if it is only for a week with still about 32 hours of work. I know it's a helluva lot better than the 65 hours I was working. I really needed this time off! I know I have been getting drained, but I think I might of been getting used to the long days working. I know on some days I was working about 15 hours or so. It was ridiculous!!

My grandmother and my aunt and coming down to visit us on Thursday. I am kinda looking forward to seeing them. I have not seen them since when I left after my grandfather's funeral. I wonder how my grandmoher is doing. I hope she is doing okay. I guess I will get to find out on Thursday! On Thursday night I also will be starting to house sit again for my aunt and uncle. It should be nice as actually this time around I will get to spend some time there compared to last time where I was basically still living at work!!

I guess I havent really talked much about my job at Osh. Al I can say is that there is a complete lack of control up at the front. I want to scream every day I am there, but all I do is smile and manage. It's kinda iteresting. I won't put up with the bullshit the cashiers put me through so I basically put the managers to get them into shape since I am not gonna compromise my position. If they want to be assholes and immature, then so be it, but they're not gonna take me down with them. Also, I guess on some levels I can't care which is why I let the managers deal with it since they are the ones who created this problem to begin with. I actually could guarantee that if I were to write a letter saying all the shit that had gone up there within a week's time that I would have a list twice as long as the longest post I have. Well, maybe that's an over exaggeration, but still, it'd be an impressive list. Molly and Scott have no respect for authority. If you ask them to do something they will flat out refeuse to. Erit just orders you around. Ryan could learn to speak more professionally, so that's not that bad. Jennifer is unreliable. Actually, all of them with the exception of Ryan my mom and Susan are unreliable. Mollyusually has some type of bug up her ass as well. April is okay unless Molly is around. Then they start causing trouble. Amanda is just plainly rude. Susan is too uptight and needs to larn to relax because she's starting to drive me up a wall more than he cashiers. And Tim, the human resources manager... He just lets everything happen like this. Hopefully Brian will step in sooner rather than later to fix this mess. Anyways, that's the nutshell. I will not bother expanding. At least not tonight...

Dad was away most of last week for this usual golf expedition with the guys and actually came home with the first place trophy this year! Congrats dad! He came hom Sunday, whch was the day of the Block Party. It was fun as usual. Picked up James and brought him over, then last on went and picked up my brother's friend Robert as a favor. Apparently, Robert has been kicked out of his hiuse by him mom. She's a real psycho bitch. I had hope her remarrying would of grounded her a bit better, but they took away the truck and threw him out shortly after graduating highschool. I wish there was something more we could do for him, but I suppose if he was in a real tight bind he'd let us know. Maybe...

I suppose that's all for now. Hopefully school will come soon!!

~Erica

As Time Stands...

2005-08-28T21:27:22Z

Alright, so now I have no idea how long it's been since the last time I've updated, but I do know that there has been some things that have happened (I suppose) since my last update.

My summer in a nutshell

Monday-Friday
7-3:30: Work
4-about 11-12: Andrew's House
12-6:30: Sleep
And repeat...

On weekends I'd go over to Andrew's and we'd play video games... well more vidoe games. It would be a lot of fun ^.^

Unfortunately I go back to school tomorr wnad I am not looking forward to it at all. i only have like five classes total for 15 units, but i have Math, Science, History, PE, and English. Gotta get all those GE's outta the way I suppose. Anyways, I looked at my professors fromo ratemyprofessor.com and found that I have mostly okay teachers and that I'm gonna be yet again screwed in my math class. C'est la vie. My english teacher hoevere is suppose to be fantastic and I am looking forward to him.

I guess also over the summer I've gone to 6 Flags and I have also been able to see my friends a few times over the summer, but everyone is leaving now that school is about ready to start. Like Jessie is gone she started last week and Caitlin (tannehill) kristin jon chew and justin don't start until late september, but I'm gonna be busy with school and work to really be able to see them anyways. I do hoe to be able to see jessie more because she'll be coming home often. Also, I have friday's off so maybe I'll be able to go visit her weekends she's not going to be able to come down.

Andrew will not for sure be going back to Cal ZPoly in case I didn't write that last time. He will be going back to Pierce this year and taking some courses that go toward his major.. whatever that major is I suppose. As of now his parents lo0ok to me to be able to tell them what's going on with him since they really don't talk to him or are able to communicate very effectively or ratrher as effectiveley as I can... But his dad is on his level.. I don't understand it.

Alnother but of wonderful news. His parents think that we're having sex so we're not allowed inside the house without a third party being there *rolls eyes* it sucks because we're both old enugh to really make our own choices, but it is their huse so I'm not really gonna raise much of a fuss and let them think what they want since they're obviously decided to take matters into their own hands bvy talking to my parents behind our (andrew and min's ) backs. So that really didn't make either of us happy especially when my mom confronted me on the issue.

Funny thing is is that my parents believe that we're not having sex and his don't believe him. We've not had sex becuse I firmly believe in the no sex before marriage type thing and andrew respects that and will continue to respect that. the only thing my parents require from me if something should happen is that I should communicate to them and tell that what is going on with me so that I can have the necessary items to ensure safety and protection. *rolls eyes*

Anyways, andrew goes back to school the week after I do so we start about the same time. my brother started the week before me ha ha and then he ends later than me too. then again we don't get all of the extra holidays that he gets either.

Oh! I* almost forgot I may be going with andrew and his family to Italy come May. The only thing my parents require of me is that it doesn't interfere with school and that I pay for half the trip myself, which shouldn't be too bad. Unfortunately, my parents keep having to borrow money from me to pay for miscellaneous school things such as books and a parking pass and what not, then I have my phone bills and stuff.

The reason being is because my mom's settlement will be coming up and they keep taking more money from her in order for her to want to take the first offer because we're in such dire need of money. I know that won't happen because of my dad, but at the moment I'm starting to think italy is not such a great idea because the strike is gonna be coming in a year or two and when it happens it may go badly and then my dad will reture, then who will pay the bills? ya know? So I really hope that I am able to start wortking as soon as I get out of college to help my parents when that time comes because I think I'll continue living with them until the day I'm married or something like that.. I dunno we'll see. Maybe I'll eventually get to live on campus, but at the moment I don't want to put that finincial strain on my parents.

As for school, I find it hard to believe in myself. I could vbarely deal with highschool and everyone has such high expectations and I don't think I can live up to them. Everyone made such a big deal about me being the first person in both my families to go to college, but I don't think I'm really ready to go. I think I'm going to flunk and I definitely don't think I have the brain capacity to make my current major. I mean the major I have is a really good one and would take me far, but I don't know if I will be able to handle the workload over the next 4 years. I mean I might be able to, but I think I'm going to need a lot more help than anyone can provide for me to be able to accomplish this goal. Although, I suppose if I have enough determination I can do anything especially if I want to help my parents out and be able to live a comfortable lifestyle. I only hope I don't have to go through the 3-5 different careers like people are talking about nowadays for my generation.

I guess I will see as time goes on. As for this update I think I've covered the basics. I apologize for any spelling errors, my spelling has not really been put to use lately due to all the working. Anyways I hope to update once again soon.

~Erica

kirylle @ 2005-05-08T11:34:00

2005-05-08T18:35:53Z

So, I have neglected my journal for about forever now. I think it's time I update this thing.

February - Nothing really to report. It was a long month of normal school and daily activites. Did work a lot and got a fat pay check at the end of the month.

March - Still nothing to report. More work, had school and projects, etc. Was boring and still impatient for end of school year.

April - Spring Break happened. Went to Arizona with Andrew and his family for usual Easter family celebtration. Went well. Avoided trouble. Caught mono was out of school for two weeks after spring break. lol Was nice. It was a nice peaceful rest. Unfortunately, I was tired a lot. Started RPing more. Got my prom dress. It's a beautiful dress. Can't wait to put prom pic on site. Relationship started going on the rocks.

May - Well, relationship back on track, I hope. I think despite all our troubles we'll get them worked out no matter what. ^.^ As for May scedule it goes like this.
1st - Work
3rd - Work
4th - Work
5th - Work
8th - Work and Mother's Day Willbring mother flowers. Don't know what to get Adnrew's mom yet
10th - May Crowning at school during lunch
11th - 18th Birthday! Finally I'm legal!! Dodgeball MLC
13th - Prom
14th - Post Prom, Disneyland
15th - Parents' Anniversary Return from Disneyland Stephanie's Bridal Shower
16th - Senior Ditch Day... Will sleep prolly....
18th - Meeting at CSUN for class scheduling LIFE Team dinner at Maggiano's
19th - Grandma and Aunt Linda come. Will be unloading furniture.. lots of it
20th - Work and Eaglemania... Wonder which one I'll go to.... lol
21st - Senior Breakfast and Andrew's Eagle Scout Court of Honor
25th - Band Banquet
27th - Work
28th - YMCA Camp in Catalina
29th - YMCA Camp in Catalina
30th - YMCA Camp on Catalina Memorial Day
31st - Grauation Rehearsal Finals

June - Another packed month. At least to begin with...
1st - Graduation Rehearsal Finals
2nd - Graduation Rehearsal Brother's Graduation Finals Grad Night
3rd - Baccalaureate Mass
4th - Graduation
10th - Leave for Stephanie's Wedding
11th - Stephanie's Wedding
12th - Leave for Home

Please note. I have not included any of the morning meeting for LIFE Team. Nor have I added any of the other things I may be doing outside of school such as project due dates and other what nots. Hehe. I'm a grautaing Senior. I can't believe it. I'm really looking forward to the summer.... 16 school days and counting. and then hopefully 2 more for me because I'll have my finals all completed before my brother's gradutation. ^.^ I just have to talk to my teachers about that. I'll be doing that today when I see them. I'm looking forward to the end of this year. lol They ssay Senior year is the best and they really weren't kidding. I mean, at least for me it is.

Eh, I suppose I should add in some family stuff huh? Grandma's coming out for graduation with my aunt linda who I never get to see. my other grandparents can't come because papa is too sick to travel. I hope I get to see him for thanksgiving again because it will probably be the last time I get to see him.

Andrew will be going back to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo next year. I will be making trips up there on weekends to visit him over the course of the school year. lol Driving makes life so much easier. Parents are okay too.

Hmmmm... Oh yeah... lol sometime in all that time I dunno which month, but I hit someone's car. Didn't go through insurance though. The cost to fix was less than deductible. Parebnts just paid the guy. I was glad that it went okay. Hehe.... I felt bad about it, but I suppose it all worked okay. I just have to be more careful while parking.

I think that's about it. Don't expect too many more posts between now and the middle of June. I'm sad to say that I'm gonna be busy busy busy. Please fell free to comment and such. and yes I live. I haven't died yet even though I think I should have by now. Tee hee. Btw, for all my friends who do read this bug me to death to update more!!! I could use the encouragement. Tee hee.

~Erica

Screwed

2004-09-26T04:24:11Z

Not saying much.. Grandma had a heart attack this week so went to Vegas. It sucked... now I'm gonna have a lot of work in school and life just sucks. First dad's side of the family, now mom's..... How much more is gonna happen. Anyways, I'm tired, life sucks and I was supposed to see a movie tomorrow, but I don't think things are gonna be very happy.

And So It Begins

2004-09-02T04:08:29Z

School started ths week. It's loooads of fun.. (Please note the sarcasm here). To start out with my first day was pretty bad. I don't think I';ve ever had such a bad first day back.... It was like what is the world coming to and I thought that senior year was supposed to be the most fun year of them all.... Heh.. surprise surprise.

Yesterday, Tuesday, was a lot better I went in to get my schedule changed and dropped Philosophy. I didn't want to write a 5-6 page paper every 3 weeks. I think that's insane and take AP English on top of it.

Anyways, I was thining about dropping AP English, but my teacher Ms. Poole didn't want me to drop the class. She's actually really nice and I've heard that everyone who has her absolutely loves her. I hope this will be the case because otherwise I foresee problems in the future. Heh, maybe I just don't like school a whole lot.

Anyways, yesterday I also found out about my grandfather. I had heard previously that the doctors had found something in his brain, but they didn't know what it was. So on Friday sometimes they're going to do a procedure in which they will stick a needle into his brain and takle some fluid from whatever it is so that they know what it is they're dealing with.

Fortunately, I will be going with my father when he leaves to go to Redding tomorrow. My father and I will be present for the operation. I hope everything goes well for him and that it really does turn out to be just an infection.

Unfortunately, I will be leaving school during the first week for this. It should be fine. I will be speakinig to my teachers and such today if not personally then I will certainly e-mail them all then.

I almost forgot. When I dropped Philosophy I put in Study Hall. Obviously this is where I am am right now. It's not a whole lot of fun, because there aren't that many people, but I think it will get better because I will have homework soon enough to be doing while I am here.

I never did finish talking about band camp, and since I don't remember my last post I'll kinda go ahead and summarize. Band camp pretty much continued in that same fashion for the rest of the week. We had a friend os Mr. Smith's come in to help us with our marching basics. He was from the famous group The Cavaliers. Reason why we had this guy is because Mr. Smith does work with the Cavaliers over the summer. Anyways, they were out this way because of this Drum Corp show we were going to on wednesday.

The Show was actually really good, and it was certainly enjoyable to watch. I would like to go and see another one some day.

Last week spent quite a bit of time at school... I remember now... I made that giant list of things I did and was doing... Hehehe.... Took a bit of time... sorry, I'm a bit slow... lol Then again it's too early and I shouldn't be up and I should still be in bed. Tee hee.

I think that's about all I can really write about. I still have to find out if there is band rehearsal tonight and get all the forms I need for my mom and I to sign so that I can go to all the away football games.

Oh!! The football field... we're getting this new stuff called Astro turf put in. Heh, it was supposed to be done by the second week of school.... well.... it's not happening... It's not possible... In fact they say it probably won't be finished until Homecoming Game.... Our first half time show and pre game show at home is on homecoming... Actually, we don't even get to show half time... Only pre game because of homecoming court and such. Isn't that great?

Heh, that great is a double edged sword. It means that we still haven't performed and that everyone will be nervous. Also, it means that there is no practicing on a real firled. The up side isw that we haven't performed yet so that there is really not quite as much of a rush to get things done.

Eh, I can't squeeze anymore info out right now. I'll update things when I can.

~Erica

In a Nutshell

2004-08-23T02:06:39Z

Last week:

Lost Internet (tuesday)

Got Tales of Symphonia (Friday)

Read Rurouni Kenshin Manga (start to finish) (Wedneday and Thursday)

On Tuesday Andrew dropped by to Give me Roses. (They were really pretty too)

On Friday we went out for Chinese and then Bowling (I won both games even with an injured wrist! Go me!)

Talked to Matt

Had Julian come over to solve bug problem to have my Internet returned

Went to Guard rehearsal on Wed morning

Went to Guard rehearsal Thursday morning

Had a church meeting on Tuesday

This Week:

Sleep in on Monday

Play Tales of Symphonia (Monday-Saturday)

Go to School for LIFE so can be Recognized by Teachers

Go to School for LIFE on Tuesday to mingle with Freshmen parents

Return yet again to school on Thursday Morning for Orientation

Read Hardball for Government

Yet another day goes to school for Friday with an all day LIFE planning meeting

Read Ceremony for AP English on Friday (after meeting)

On Saturday read Ceremony for AP English

Finally, on Sunday finish last of the summer reading with the book The Scarlet Letter.

Summer is wrapped up

Summer is over

School has returned to claim life

Pray for my ability to survive.

School starts Monday of next Week

Death is among us

Hope it isn't you

Hope it's me

I can't stand school

Update Soon

~Erica

Day 1

2004-08-10T02:53:42Z

Well, first day of band camp could have been a lot worse. i could have been out in the sun all day and roasting and then in pain from a bad sunburn, but I didn't.

Instead what happened is that Nathan idn't show (as usual) and he won't show up till saturday. However, there will be someone there a woman from Boston. Apparently she's an aquaintance of Smith's. We'll see how it works out.

Um, let's see. I got there at 11:30. Did minor marching stuff (I got dragged in by this year's juniors...) Ate lunch which was salad... Afterwards Annie eventually came and since it was only the two of us because the freshie had dance and the rest were either not doing it or were at cheer camp for pep flags.

Basically, we spent the afternoon taping silks to poles and putting weights in them. That's all we did actually, then he told us to wait until they took their break and he'd give us more to do. He didn't. made me site around a half hour to throw some boxes away. I was able to leave after that.

That was band camp. I came home and basically came onto the puter. Decided that i needed to update my journal. Ate dinner... other wonderful stuff. Might even start summer reading tonight, but I won't hold my breath for that. If I'm not mistaken, the books are probably all boring.

Hmmm.... I also didn't get to bed last night (or rather this morning) until 4 am because it was too hot. Didn't make for a nice start today. Whatever, now all I have to do is survive tomorrow and the heat. There will be no second reprieve.

I have nothing more to write.

~Erica

Fuck Life

2004-08-09T04:01:17Z

Why is it that we can't have a normal dinner. Mom and dad bought steak and there was so much fat on the meat that I really wouldn't eat it because it would have made me feel sick later, but when I complained about it my dad pretty much just told me to leave the table because I don't have to eat. After that silence ensued and even Dan was quiet. Dad broke the silence asking Thomas if he wanted more meat. I left soon after...

It made me bitter because my dad shouldn't have done that. It was rude and it was mean. He hasn't even offered an apology. Maybe he'll do it in his own time prolly not. He normally doesn't apologize. I bet he's waiting for me to apologize because I complained about the fucking meat. I won't apologize because I was telling him how I felt and what I thought.

Mom invited me to play 500 rummy. I think she wanted dad and I to get on good terms again. It was the most quiet game we've ever played. There was no gloating, but my parents teased each other some. I was left alone. Anyways, eventually dad had 400 points and mom and I were tied at 160. We pulled him back and eventually mom and I took the lead.

Ultimately, I won.

Things are still quiet. Hopefully, I won't have to talk to dad until school starts. Actually, I don't think I should ever talk to him again until I get an apology. he stepped over the line. I know when I've done something wrong, but I didn't do anything. this was supposed to be a good last day of official summer. All dad did was fuck it over and made things a lot worse than they were.

Now, all I have to do it wait for the hottest days out in the sun. Maybe I'll get sunstroke and won't have to worry about it. Hell, at this point I'll take a heart attack and a coma. I hate my life. Why do I bother trying to see good in it. There might be highlights, but I still get shafted... Whatever...

Erica

Confuzion @.@

2004-08-08T23:59:06Z

Why is it that when things tend to get hard things always seem to become harder than they should be. I know I have band camp and that life will be hell next week because of it, but did I really need to add boy problems on top of it? I guess so... *grumbles*

Well, I definitely have to say that i am the messed up one of te bunch. I have a boyfriend who went away on vacation for two weeks. Nothing odd about that.... Bad thing, I realized that I really don't have strong feelings for him. I think about him more as a friend than I can as a boyfriend. It makes me feel bad that things didn't work out. I'm gonna have to tell him and hope he understands. Although, we did promise to stay friends no matter what. I'm hoping that this is the case. However, I don't see things being good once I tell him.... If I can tell him.... I think I'm really going to hurt him.

Second curveball of life so far.... Is a friend of mine. I think he likes me. I'm not sure though. Heh, I can actually imagine him reading this and seeing his reaction. *shrugs* I guess what makes me think this is like asking me if I'd go out with him and stuff like that. Although, he can't see himself marrying me.... *shrugs* I dunno... He just broke up with his girlfriend recently though... *Sighs* Although, I feel bad about it. I mean we went to the movies and stuff today and he got me a chai.... Does that not say something... Although he's a very nice guy and mom thinks he's really nice and respectful. My dad even told me that he knew he'd wait with me until he got there... I guess I feel bad because I don't want to hurt him. I dont like to hur anyone, but it just happens. And I dunno... my friend will prolly be fine. He might be odd, but he's a good friend and those are really to rare to pass up. maybe one day.... *shrugs*

Like I said i'm rather confused. i know what i should do and what I should say, but like I've mentioned.... I can't stand to hurt others. What happens if they won't talk to me? What happens if my boyfriend thought I was dumping him for someone else like the last time. What would happen if my friend thought I was leading him on? *hangs head* I hate this.

I guess the cherry on the undae has to be band camp. guess what's up with that? The hot weather that we haven't had all summer. It starts the week of camp. Doesn't that just make me feel great?

I HATE THE CURVEBALLS OF LIFE!!!!!

~Erica~